How Long Does Forgiveness Take?

I was recently given this to share.

‘Work hard at forgiveness.’

I have been giving it a lot of thought.

We have all been hurt or wronged, and we have all inflicted suffering on others, to a lesser or greater degree.

Acting in ways that do not best represent ourselves.

Who among us can say we have never hurt another through thought, word or deed?

In such instances, we naturally wish for forgiveness.

Just as we should forgive those who harm us.

And although the act of forgiving can be a challenge, it is important that we try.

Consider the actions of others with compassion and understanding.

There are always, at the very least, two sides to every argument.

And circumstances we are unaware of.

Think about your worst days in life, would you like to be judged on those alone?

You may consider an act against you to be inexcusable.

But perhaps an act of your own may be construed in the same way by others.

Human recall and interpretation of events is at best subjective.

So, how long does forgiveness take?

Even if apologies and remorse have been expressed.

An individual may not feel ready to offer forgiveness.

Sometimes sorry isn't enough.

If you are going to forgive, you have to mean it.

And some hurts take longer to recover from than others.

You may think your feelings have not been considered.

Or the full effect of the act is unrecognised.

These kinds of thoughts can perpetuate, and be damaging to your sense of self.

But perhaps the validation you seek needs to come from yourself.

You can’t always wait for others to understand your point of view.

You may be waiting a very long time.

And in some instances the hurts that you cling to develop a force beyond the impact of the original event.

Fostering forgiveness can propel you past an act of injury.

I don’t advocate leaving yourself in a position of vulnerability.

Those who inflict hurt as individual or repeat acts may need to be removed from our lives, through our own action or intervention.

Yet the act of forgiveness remains as important, even if considered from a remote position.

Forgiveness is essential for growth. Both yours and the person on whom you bestow it.

And neither of you can progress without it.

Holding grudges is as damaging to you, as it is to the person you are trying to protect yourself from.

Perhaps forgiveness will take years, or decades, or lifetimes, depending on your beliefs.

But it is something you have to work at.

Remember, someone, somewhere may be working hard to forgive you too.

This article was originally published on my newsletter.