Nothing To Say
I have been reading philosophy for some time.
I have dipped in and out of a few schools of thought, although I do find myself particularly interested in Stoicism.
One thing that has occurred to me on multiple occasions is that, if I follow it's principles, I am left with very little to say to anyone.
I should not talk about what I have done, but show people how I have learned.
I should not share my skills, I should demonstrate them.
I should not engage in idle chit-chat.
I should only keep the company of those who uplift me.
In summary, I should cut most people out of my life and say nothing to the few who remain.
Incidentally I have chosen not to follow that advice!
But the prospect of talking less has made me realise how much breath we invest in chit-chat, and prompted me to consider why we feel compelled to talk so much.
As an adult I crave conversation. Just general chatter with people.
It is an interest in learning about others and making a connection through shared experiences.
In short, fostering a feeling of belonging.
Fans of the TV show Fleabag will be familiar with the concept of Chatty Wednesdays.
A day when the cafe that features in the show encourages strangers to come and talk to one another.
I thought that this was a concept exclusive to the show, but have since found out it is a real initiative intended to promote human connection and reduce social isolation and loneliness.
You can join a scheme like Chatty Cafe virtually or in person. And if you own a cafe you can register and set up your own event.
How beautiful is that?
Multiple studies have revealed that we benefit from conversation, in fact, as a species we need it.
Studies recommend that we engage in conversation at least once a day.
And face to face has greater benefits over virtual communications.
As a member of Gen X, the majority of my conversations have been face to face or at least via telephone. It is only the latter part of my life where text has dominated.
And I feel the lessened impact of text over face to face.
Even the advent of video calls and video and voice messaging cannot rival the experience of a genuine in-person interaction.
So back to Stoicism.
Stoicism promotes mindful thinking and speaking.
Quality over quantity.
And the avoidance of gossip, blame or self-promotion.
And hear, hear to that.
But it also discourages chit chat.
"Be silent for the most part, or, if you speak, say only what is necessary and in a few words. Talk, but rarely, if occasion calls you, but do not talk of ordinary things—of gladiators or horses races or athletes or of meats or drinks—these are topics that arise everywhere."
-Epictetus
However, I think if Epictetus, a renowned Greek Stoic philosopher, were alive today, he would amend this statement.
I have great admiration for philosophers and believe them to have been good people, trying to do the right thing, and inspire others in the process - but we can’t expect them to be right about everything.
As Stoicism correctly teaches, we are responsible for our own thoughts, words and actions, they are within our control alone.
But should you find yourself with an opportunity to pass the time of day with a stranger discussing gladiators, the best place to get your chariot serviced, or the weather, embrace the opportunity.
"Improve your wellbeing, and that of someone else’s."
